and even in my moments of fear
i feel them slip away now
and i lay in awe of this feeling
i let myself let you in

he says to me
are you coming home
and when i decline
he asks why i need to leave him
so completely
but my answer never satisfies him
and what the fuck
does he want me to say
you hurt me
you ignored me
i am afraid
i am empty
i never want to see you again

and even in my moments of fear
you hold me closely
in a way i never let myself be held before
and i sleep for the first time

though in the dark
without you
i lay in my very own pit
my very own dark place
and i wonder
if i was meant to be alone
meant to feel empty
made to be lonely
too cold to feel
too disgusting to touch
that rot coming from
deep within me
where i am a cancer
and i can only destroy

but when i'm with you
i'm no longer alone
and i have been so alone for so long
and i am no longer the hideous monster
i sometimes see
i am not alone



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