i'm alone
and in a way
it's far more comforting
than being with you
i move constantly
and your hands hold me down
cage me

his words are like satin
ah, all those old memories
the sweet
with the sweat
with the bitter
everything i ever wanted
and what would destroy me eventually
why fall again?
am i not whore enough
to learn to be virgin at last?

i am a hermit
i do best with little
and even better with nothing
even now without pain
my masochist asks for more
and my sadist is imaginative
she can always find a sacrifice
that i am all too willing to make

he speaks in that familiar tone
yet without voice
crooning me i know
but it's an irresistible torture

he dreamed of me
he says of the fancy
that we lay on a bed
in the midst of yet another horrific trip
to the dark side
of another goddamned moon
(i wish the here and now
was good enough for you)
and he said:
"i feel like i'm floating on water"
and i:
"that's because i'm breathing"

and i smile
because truly
i have stopped holding my breath

[link]

i'm sick, and i'm tired, and i have too much work to do and not enough hours in the day to do it. all i can think of is how happy i am that someone isn't trying to distract me from it on a constant basis...

saw VNV Nation last week: WOW! absolutely amazing experience, had an awesome night. got to dress up all gothic and put dreads in my hair, which i don't get to do often.

[link]

a close friend of mine started a blog on the deplorable conditions of worker's rights and freedom of speech in the UAE (Dubai). go check it out and see for yourself the true face of the "golden city". we both grew up there, and i have to say, it made me sick to my stomach to observe the amount of injustice and hypocrisy in the name of money: [link]

okay enough procrastination!