my skin feels as though it has been parted
lovingly and cruelly
as the whip slices even through the pvc corset
so that even my ribs are bruised
and my shoulders are an agony
and yet more is to come
i stop my scream and breathe
breathe deeply i tell myself
and i count them down
3 more
gasp
2
o god
1

and i am uncontrollable now
a flood of tears
of pain
of relief
they don't simply fall from beneath my blindfold
they rush to overflow and escape
as he removes it
within seconds my face is soaked
and i am half sobbing
half beaming with gratitude
thank you
thank you so much
thank you

and that heart of gold
holds me for a moment
and then lets me go

i float in subspace all night

even when you ignore me
even when you focus entirely on her
even when our usual play is forsaken
for her
and even when in our bed you suggest the impossible for me
and when i cannot overcome my physical exhaustion
when i am not baited breath because i have not been touched
by you
by her
because your every yearning is upon one person here
and that person is not me
you break our one rule
without the slightest thought for me

why is it that the heart can take so much pain?
why can't it break apart completely
why can't it stop beating entirely
with each abandonment?
why must it heal ever so slightly
only to be ripped apart?
o the heart is so very fragile
and so terribly strong
i wonder when it will finally give out...

this half-togetherness leaves me lonely
when others give us space
you do not wish to occupy
and i am left entirely without
comforting
beaten and abandoned
to an inattentive lover

watching a beautiful woman
being bound
in my ropes...

-

well, i guess it is proven to me once again that my instincts are always correct. my playmate has left me to pursue greener pastures... and i am left without what i came to so desperately need. not even the physical pain or tight embrace of rope is offered to me. i must live without it completely. i feel very alone suddenly...